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Have you ever ignored a situation that would have been better dealt with
directly? Then do you find yourself addressing situations that are better
left alone? Maybe you've experienced occasional success with both
scenarios? How can you improve your success rate of effectiveness?
In
Communicating Beyond Differences one of
the tools discussed addresses when to deal with conflict directly and when
it's best to let it alone.
First, know that conflict is a natural part of life and our job is not to
get rid of it. Our job is to recognize it as an opportunity, manage it
successfully, and learn from it. Conflict does not have to be intense or
create a high stress reaction. Often it's simply a chance to clarify and
be more effective in our interactions.
Then, when deciding to deal with a situation directly or not, consider the
following three questions:
1 - Will it result in clarification?
2 - Will it identify solutions?
3 - Will it build cooperation and reduce stress (long term)?
If any of these answers are a "yes" that is a situation to deal with
directly. When all three answers are "no" that is a situation that is
better left to time, Universe, God (depending on your belief).
Now for the gray area; how will you know if clarification will result, or
if solutions will be identified, or if cooperation will happen? Well,
there's no guarantee. What we do know is that a person's communication
skill level will determine their answers. So the more you work to
improve yourself,
the better outcomes you'll create. By the way, talking all day every day
does not mean one is working on their communication! Want proof . . . do
you know someone who opens their mouth and it's really scary?
You may also need to revisit the criteria for the same situation more than
once as some situations take time to resolve. Every few weeks to a month
is a good guide since variables could be changing. Daily review would be
excessive and would probably only cloud the issue.
Let me expand for a moment on the notation "long term" in the third
question. Think of dealing with conflict as rototilling a garden. In other
words, often when we address an issue it's uncomfortable; we may feel as
if we're on unstable ground, and even doubt if we made a good choice.
However, in the long run, a better crop results from soil that's been
rototilled than from soil that has not. Please note this is not the same
as bulldozing!
Have you ever been in a situation that was challenging while it lasted but
eventually resulted in a benefit?
Sure, therefore remember, just because it doesn't feel great instantly, or
everyone involved isn't happy immediately, doesn't imply dealing with the
situation directly wasn't the best decision.
And the irony is ignoring a situation that needs dealing with is
uncomfortable too . . . and ineffective!
So, what have you been interfering in that would be better left alone?
What needs your attention that you've been avoiding? And what if you
changed where you're applying your energy?
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Peace is not the absence
of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to
conflict - alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives
to violence.
- Dorothy Thompson
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when
we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is
only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to
step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer
answers.
- M. Scott Peck
There are three ways of dealing with difference: domination,
compromise, and integration. By domination only one side gets what it
wants; by compromise neither side gets what it wants; by integration we
find a way by which both sides may get what they wish.
-
Mary Parker Follett
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Please feel free to share
this information with friends and colleagues. Karen
KMG Enterprises, LLC
P.O. Box 26927
Phoenix, AZ 85068
Phone: (602)
870-3652
Fax: (602) 870-3653
Website:
www.KarenGridley.com
Email:
Karen@KarenGridley.com
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