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Does this question generate discomfort in you? Do you think
it sounds corny? Indulge me for a moment or two.
Valentine’s Day was celebrated earlier this month. This
celebration usually focuses on love towards another person.
I pose we have to deeply love ourselves before we can truly
experience loving another person. Saying we love ourselves
however is not the same as demonstrating we love ourselves.
I’m sure you’ve heard the adage – “actions speak louder than
words”.
Let’s look at an example. Say there’s a person you could do
without; we’ll have it be a neighbor. Every day you walk
your dog and as you approach their house you feel a barrage
of feelings. You focus on them and by the time you get home
you’re engulfed in unpleasant emotions – and you blame them.
What if you walked another route?
Some of you may be tempted to spew
excuses here – or
the yeah but habit. Yeah but what about
. . .? or Yeah but my situation . . .
etc, etc. And some of you may feel down right appalled I
suggest you modify your behavior. “Why should I
change?” you may refute.
First, recognize this is a destructive message. How do you
know? When you identify something not working as you’d like
in your life and you resist changing that is destructive.
And be careful not to get caught in the trap of wanting
others to change thinking that will help – it does not!
Until we retrain the garbage generating gremlins within we
will continue to be berated to such self-abuse.
Second, I suggest you remove the word “should”
from your vocabulary. Plain and simple, “shoulding” on
yourself and others is not nice.
Third, you don’t have to change, you can stay
miserable.
Instead, empower yourself. How? Remember, you always have
choices, although choices aren’t necessarily easy or
likeable. Pain and ineffectiveness often come from focusing
on an alternate choice we’d rather have but isn’t available.
Why would you want to modify your behavior?
Simple, so you feel better. We claim to love
ourselves then we exhibit behavior that demonstrates
otherwise. Let me be clear I’m in no way condoning any
unacceptable behavior that may have been involved. I’m
merely reminding you that in order to empower ourselves we
need to love ourselves and therefore act accordingly.
Personal Empowerment
is the key to effectiveness. Personal Empowerment results
from owning our choices – as unpleasant and limited as they
may be at times – and then acting in a manner
that is most beneficial.
So, what if you walked a different route? At first, your
gremlin will want to convince you that your neighbor has the
advantage, is right, or has won. All of these messages are
destructive lies. As you work (yes, it will be work) to
shift your focus to your life, eventually you’ll reclaim
your emotions and feel better.
Why do you want to do this? Because that is how people who
value themselves act. That is the experience of self-love.
Self-love does not negate love and consideration towards
others. In fact, it enhances it!
You will know you are experiencing self-love by the relief
you feel inside; a sense of inner peace. Shift the focus
back to the other person and you instantly are subjected to
negative feelings indicating you have strayed off track.
Shift the focus back to caring about yourself and you return
to inner peace. From a place of inner peace there is hope.
With hope, healing and transformations occur.
Everything is an inside–out job. You want different external
circumstances; you must first and foremost change what’s
inside – your thoughts and your actions – NOT for someone
else, for YOU! Remember, a whole lot will be happening
before the proof ever shows up. How much do you love
yourself? Enough to shift your thoughts and your actions? I
think you’re worth it – do you?
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The
reality of life is that you will pay a price, one way or the
other. One price gives you exactly what you want. The other
gives you exactly what you do not want. Larry
Winget
It is not
fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.
Eleanor Roosevelt
How you
see yourself and how you feel about yourself will have a
tremendous impact on how far you go in life and whether or
not you fulfill your destiny. Joel Osteen |
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Please feel free to share
this information with friends and colleagues. Karen
KMG Enterprises, LLC
P.O. Box 26927
Phoenix, AZ 85068
Phone: (602)
870-3652
Fax: (602) 870-3653
Website:
www.KarenGridley.com
Email:
Karen@KarenGridley.com
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