What about a habit you know is detrimental? Or a skill you’ve convinced yourself you’re unable to learn? How many times does procrastination or blaming rear their ugly head in your life?

When we put off the issue or situation begging our attention, invariably we end up having a bigger ordeal that requires more effort (and frequently more money) to resolve. Some common aspects people procrastinate:

 It has been said the way we do anything is the way we do everything. Therefore, in addition to stock piling a bunch of incompletes when we postpone what we need to do, the behavior spills over and affects decisions in other areas. Then, before we know it, we’ve created a pattern (habit) that is so routine and familiar we’re convinced the circumstance is out of our control. On top of our ineffectiveness, we knowingly or unknowingly, blame or attempt to justify our behavior with “reasons” for our response or our delays.

The solutions are clear. Respond in a timely manner. Learn to prioritize. Tend to the tasks at hand. Knowing the interfering culprits; tired, “don’t know how”, too much to do, don’t feel like it etc.; still leaves many people plagued more often than claimed desired.

We must be doomed and best to throw in the towel? There are better options. That said, it won’t be easy. “What, why are you discouraging us Karen before we get started?” you may claim. Actually, the intent is to anchor the mindset to succeed. Too often we can get sucked into instant gratification philosophy. Many of us are tempted (or succumb) to quit short of the miracle. To effectively get results you desire you need to continually get out of your own way and remove your excuses; it is an on-going process!

Some ways to stay on track:

• Use the www technique. No, not the internet (world wide web). WWW is my acronym for What’s Working Well. Commit daily to identifying and voicing out loud WWW. Why? How many times have you heard my message to include, wherever we put our focus we get more of that; no discrimination, expansion occurs with both the negative and the positive!

• Trick yourself. Huh? Isn’t that what we do when we want something bad enough? We’ll start that adjustment in our diet tomorrow. We’ll modify our ineffective behavior as soon as so and so does. We really want that item so we buy what we have no business getting – eating out, grabbing a coffee on the run, article of clothing etc. The mind can trick us and we can trick our minds. This was a powerful take away for some participants in one of my recent workshops. Next time you’re tempted to procrastinate, “trick” yourself with a desired reward AFTER completing what you need to do. That is as long as the reward is in your means and without harm to yourself or others – heard the groans, “sure throw in that caveat!”

Remember growth and development takes time, however, time alone is insufficient. Action in an appropriate direction is required. How many times have you heard someone claim an athlete, an entertainer, or a comedian is an overnight success? A few years back there was a Pepsi commercial with the message, “Wake up people!” that is very applicable here. There is NO such thing as an overnight success. Just because any of us may be unaware of all the effort a person puts into their accomplishments is far from accurate to deduce another has it easy. Read about any person with significant achievements and we’ll learn about hard work, challenges and persistence; including people like Einstein, Edison and Rosa Parks to name a few. Amazing how when a person experiences breakthroughs the person unwilling to do what’s necessary to attain their goals uses the excuse how it’s easy for that person. Of course, functioning without goals is another issue; refer to Goal Setting for Recovering Excuse Makers e-book.

So, have you determined how much getting in your own way is costing you? Maybe you’d rather not know. Hmmm, sounds like another form of getting in your own way. We’ve all been impacted by what’s been discussed here; yes including me; as none of us are immune. The key difference is how each of us responds. And, especially in developmental phases, there will be times we act effectively while other times, well let’s say we’re less than stellar. Though initially we may have very few “act effectively” and tons of “less than stellar” circumstances, there’s only ONE way to experience the change. Begin to create the shift with moment by moment decisions that build over time. Your thoughts?

Like many conferences holding pre-conference sessions these days, the men’s tournament in recent years has expanded the field to sixty eight teams (from sixty four). These additional four teams play on a Tuesday as a momentum builder and an opportunity to enter the main bracket. Official tip-off begins on a Thursday with games pretty continuous Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Each team is assigned a “seed” number; which is a ranking; from one to sixteen. There are sixteen teams assigned to each of four regional areas: South, East, West and Midwest. This creates the field of sixty four resulting in four number one seeds, four number two seeds, etc. The higher the seed assignment (represented by the lower number) in theory the better the team and again, theoretically, better chance to win.

Often the fourteen, fifteen and sixteen seeds are tremendously grateful to be included and sometimes relieved. The one through four seeds have tremendous pressure, as there are high expectations for them to perform and deliver. The five through thirteen seeds are sometimes annoyed at their placement, seen as potential “cinderellas”, the “ones to watch out for”, or a myriad of other discussion makers to create media hype and conversation in between games.

What could this possibly have to do with your daily life or business? Lesson number one, consider your life (or business) in a particular field, where would you be seeded? Personally this may be in terms of the person you’d like to be, the characteristics you strive to develop or person you admire and desire to emulate. Professionally may be in terms of your position in an organization or level of ability in a given profession. Businesses look at how well they deliver to their customers, how much revenue they generate (in general and weighed against the expenses), and monitor their competition in order to succeed. Keep in mind as opposed to any sort of put down, this is an assessment. How can you improve, in any capacity, without first assessing your starting point? The key is to evaluate and identify without judgment. What is your starting point in your tournament called life or business? Warning, simply wishing you were given a different seed is self-defeating and will hold you back from where you want to go! Also, remember the grass is always greener on the other side is an excuse that prevents us from doing what we can do and rarely, if ever, are we fully aware of what’s involved in another person or situation.

A little more basketball talk before the next lesson. The additional four teams this year: Iona, BYU (Brigham Young University), MS Valley (Mississippi) and Western Kentucky. In theory, these pairings are equal as opposed to the rest of the field which pairs the highest and lowest seeds together. The one seed plays the sixteen seed, the two seed plays the fifteen seed until all are paired. The middle of the pack ends up (again in theory) with the more evenly matched teams, as the eight seed plays the nine seed.

Lesson number two has a couple of points to reflect on as it invites us to look at our mindset and performance as the game (life or business) unfolds. The two “kick-off” games (the additional four teams) slated Iona against BYU and MS Valley against W Kentucky. Iona and MS Valley both had double digit leads for the majority of the forty minutes played only to surrender them by the final buzzer.

When everything “seems to be clicking”, you’re in the groove, there is flow, what are YOU thinking, saying or doing that is contributing to your results. Our thoughts, words, and actions (TWA) ALWAYS – ALWAYS – ALWAYS – produces our results. Our job is to align the combination of TWA that creates what we desire.

Since the human condition is that we are less than perfect, another job we have is to continually pay attention to our TWA, the results that follow and adjust accordingly. Some people find this responsibility annoying, including myself at times. How we ever established the belief that we ought to be able to align our TWA and outcomes with ease and without our commitment or effort is beyond me. How much more evidence do we need to generate before shattering our adherence to such ineffectiveness?

When you find yourself challenged, the underdog, or in situations where “the odds seem against you”, how do you respond? BYU and W Kentucky chose to dig deep, believe in themselves in spite of the score (and maybe others) and persist.

Of course, there are many more lessons that could be extracted from this event and plenty are continually added with variations reinforcing pertinent messages. That in itself is actually another valuable lesson. At any rate, this tournament is played every year and though some teams have won multiple times, it is rare to repeat consecutively. Nevertheless, those committed to the quest embark on the journey over and over again, fall, get back up – sometimes starting from the beginning or overcoming complete rejection, disappointment or embarrassment – and continue the pursuit.

Sounds like the path of success in life and business to me. Your thoughts?

The ability to lead begins with self-awareness and self-love. Why is self-awareness so important? Recall a time when you simply felt as if you were going through the motions. It is important to note here that that is a normal part of the grieving process until we begin to emerge through the darkness. However, when there is a continual longing for something more in life, left unresolved, we are shirking our responsibility to ourselves. This behavior tends to lead to blaming and having life pass us by, instead of us being an active participant to create what we desire. A commitment to learning and stretching our comfort zones is the path to expanding self-awareness and practicing self-love.

When we’re without self-awareness, we. . .

• don’t know what we don’t know (or don’t care)
• defend what we believe to be true
• resist anything . . .
  o other than what we are convinced is true
  o we perceive as illogical
  o we see as different and are unable to understand
• are unable to change since we first need to acknowledge aspects of ourselves in order to change

These responses are best evaluated based on the impact they have on results we produce and therefore experience, as opposed to rightness or wrongness, or good or bad. Honesty is crucial here, as many will claim to be content yet complain; an obvious contradiction. Others have convinced themselves that it is foolish to expect anything more in life. Both are a form of denial ultimately leaving us blind to ourselves.

Some common interferences (excuses) with moving forward . . .

• The need to be right – this is so ironic as we claim otherwise while being adamant about our point of view in situations
• “Do as I say, not as I do” – another philosophy we deny believing or practicing, yet often do things totally different than we suggest to others
• Finger pointing (blaming) – looking at what others could change instead of how we’re contributing to the issue and making adjustments

An example of how we can be impacted in a moment’s notice recently occurred in my life. After a very productive and rejuvenating weekend, fatigue struck me, seemingly out of nowhere. The issue for me was the hour versus the loss of energy. Though an awesome weekend, the proverbial thought “you need to do more” plagued me, and quite convincingly too. This consideration, coupled with the tasks before me for Monday, caused an inner struggle that quickly deteriorated my demeanor. Finally, recognizing my escalating misery and inability to function effectively; and in spite of the judgment and illogical conclusion of the hour and my tiredness; turning into bed was the best viable solution. Coercing myself to read before actually going to sleep was the exchange for making peace with the resolution. Oh, the hour? This started at 6:30pm and bed was around 6:45pm, after my ill-advised efforts to force a situation. How many of the issues without self-awareness and interferences from above did you note?

How many of you have read with a book lying on your chest and your eyes closed? That was my condition. At last, accepting that drifting off to sleep was moments away, a willingness to surrender unfolded. Although still without any logical explanation for what occurred, a good night’s sleep resulted. The next day was very successful, accomplishing more than perceived the night before in the fatigued state. The positive outcomes were due to the shift from an old ineffective tape, to yielding to the flow of reality. What adjustment can you make to create a beneficial impact in your life?

Besides the obvious, rest, exercise, eat well, and take care of yourself, what are some ways to practice self-love?

• Be honest with yourself (without berating yourself) where you need improving. You know when you’re deceiving yourself by how you feel inside and that eventually shows up in your behavior.
• Forgive yourself for anything that is done and unchangeable
• Correct any wrongdoing on your part, EVEN when the other person is unable or unwilling to admit their part, or you feel embarrassed, or you owe something. All these are less costly to you than the inner destruction of attempting to escape yourself.
• Admit, without excuses, when you make a mistake and resolve promptly
• Take continual and steady steps to improve yourself and the quality of your life, even if those around you choose otherwise

When you practice self-love and strive to improve your self-awareness, you are out of the starting gate for being a leader. Being a leader is an on-going choice. What one thing will you do to elevate yourself as a leader?

Any topic, as you know, can typically be expanded. Therefore, though many of you have enjoyed and experienced tremendous success working with Goal Setting for the Recovering Excuse Maker e-book, thought supplemental information would be valuable to you. This content is intended to serve as a compliment to all the tools in my latest e-book.

Goals can be long term or short term and are very different than “to do” lists. It’s been said meaningful goals both excite and scare us. There must be an element of excitement to entice us forward. In other words, something YOU really desire or want for yourself. Be careful about incorporating “shoulds” on your list. “Shoulds” are things you know would be beneficial for you, or someone else desires of you, yet you are currently unwilling (for whatever reason) to take steps in that direction. If either of the previous two reasons were effective, you would have achieved the associated outcomes by now.

The “scare” factor relates to stretching our comfort zones. Logically we know this is essential for growth. In spite of what we know, many of us expend more energy and effort attempting to avoid anything that would have that very affect. This behavior, though often unseen or denied in ourselves, is easily and clearly identified in others. Desiring improvement; on any level, in any capacity or realm in life or business; while avoiding experiencing any discomfort is a contradiction and will prevent you from achieving what you claim to want.

Briefly, a “to do” list on the other hand, is simply a list of tasks. The tasks ideally align with your goals. Unless you are clear on your goals it is difficult to correlate the alignment of your tasks. In theory, even the mundane daily responsibilities relate to the essence of one or more of your goals.

Many of you are probably familiar with the SMART acronym. Though like me, you may have heard more than one version. The S, M and T have been consistent in my experience with variations regarding the A and R.

S is for specific. For example, “I want to spend more time with my significant other” is vague. “I intend to have a minimum of one date a month with my significant other” is specific.

M is measurable. There must be some form of quantitation in order to identify progress, otherwise we are guessing. Think of a time you thought you were dedicating a certain amount of time, money or energy to something only to learn the reality to be quite different. In some areas you could learn you have invested more than you realized and in other areas you may find what you allotted to be far less than you believed. None of this is known unless you’ve paused to assess. What aspects of your life and business have you measured and where are you guessing? For example, when a person who expresses limitations of their finances, says they hardly eat out and then you see them daily come into the office with a Starbucks (or whoever) styrofoam cup in hand. True, this is drinking as opposed to eating; however, it is an added and unnecessary expense when on a restricted budget. What are you overlooking; intentionally or unintentionally; that is obvious to others? See if you can resist the temptation to point out to others what they are missing or ignoring!

What words have you heard for the A? How about, achievable, attainable or actionable? Achievable and attainable basically mean the same thing. You may have a sense of knowing if doable for you or you may be functioning from the premise that someone has achieved or attained the goal and therefore possible for you. One word of caution here, many of us tend to underestimate what is possible for ourselves, especially when embarking on totally new territory. Actionable, can serve as a reminder that continuous, regular action is required. Believe all three options to be effective. Choose one, be clear what it means for you and get going.

Words you may have heard for R; realistic, relevant, and results oriented. Realistic is often best determined in conjunction with a supportive person who is familiar and focused on the process of achieving goals or with a coach. Best-selling author Larry Winget has said, “Never ask a person who is broke for financial advice.” What about workshops on communication where one participant who is either passive or aggressive agrees with another person of the same challenge to support each other in becoming assertive? Really? As apparent as either of these examples might seem, observe your own words and behavior and see what you discover about yourself.

Relevant is really up to the individual. If you assess your goals against the criteria of excite and scare you, relevancy will probably be taken into account. Results oriented can aid in keeping the focus on the outcomes which is a key purpose of setting and achieving goals. Again, as in A, have known all three terms to be effective, therefore you can follow what was outlined in that section above.

Lastly, the T represents the element of time. Designating a deadline creates a sense of urgency similar to how productive one can be just before vacation. The intent here is to address what is important to you before ending up in a situation of looking back regretfully.

Let’s face it; we all have dreams and desires. If you know what you need to do, how well has that worked for you so far to create the change you say you’d love to have? If you’re unaware of what you need to do, or if you’ve been doing what you think necessary without experiencing what you seek, it’s probably time to go beyond your current beliefs and actions.

The only way to convert aspirations into reality, instead of stockpiling wishes, is to value ourselves enough to take responsibility to get out of our own way and get rid of excuses. This is a process as we strive to persist in beneficial ways to create the sought after results. How do YOU get in your own way? Whether the answer to the last question is known or unknown, what is your next step?

This time of year tends to add a number of obligations to an already seemingly taxed list of duties. The word seemingly is used intentionally as often a strained schedule is the result of ineffective skill sets or poor self-care that simply become more intensified under pressure. Ironically, even then, most people are unable to draw the correlation between what they’re doing and what they’re experiencing.

We know proper self-care is important. We even claim to want to take better care of ourselves. One issue with knowing and wanting, they will never produce results. Of course they are necessary components; however, ACTION is the element that will lead to progress.

At our organizations, rarely are people paid for what they know, rather for how they perform. As strange as this may sound, it’s the same in our personal life. Whether professional or personal, payment can show up as chaos, blaming, poor communication/relationships, stress (including health and weight issues), procrastination and tardiness, apathy, self-doubt, “not my job syndrome”, morale issues or overwhelm.

“What?”, you say, those are hardly desirable outcomes. Agreed. Yet those are the exact “rewards” we get when we attempt to ignore what we know in our gut, make poor choices and neglect to take care of ourselves. An inability to value self is typically the root cause of these outcomes. Ironically, we want others to value us so we can feel valued and then treat ourselves valuable. Even though for some twisted reason many of us believe that reasoning to be completely logical, that approach is entirely backwards! We must first value ourselves.

It has been said what we least feel like doing is what we most need to do. For example, maybe we least feel like exercising because we’re fatigued, yet exercise is known to elevate energy. Maybe we least feel like doing a particular task, yet procrastinating causes stress and overwhelm. Maybe we least feel like taking responsibility, yet avoiding it causes self-doubt and apathy.

Another way to look at this concept is to consider the opposite, what we most feel like doing is what we least need to do. For example, maybe we feel like being a couch potato which causes lethargy. Maybe we feel like hitting or physically harming someone (the person you could do without) which has a variety of consequences. Maybe we berate ourselves which lowers our confidence and ability to perform. You may notice the word “feel” is omitted from the last sentence. Consciously you’d probably think no one feels like berating themselves. On some level however there is a degree of satisfaction. It’s interesting too, how we question “who feels like berating themselves,” yet many of us become very versed at this detrimental technique.

Letting go is essential to drawing more of what we want in our life and though an avid proponent of letting go of tangible items, the greater challenge can be letting go of the intangible, such as ineffective habits and excuses.

Life-long learning as you’ve heard me emphasize before, is the way to transform any undesirable behaviors. Learning for some indicates we have to be taught something new. However, true learning or a learned skill is when we can apply a concept. So rather than adding to a repertoire of “been exposed to” what about taking an idea you know and strengthening your ability in the application. Practice is the necessary path to successful implementation. For many, a struggle along the way is the willingness to be less than perfect until becoming proficient. Even though you may be far from ideal, what progress can you make with a little effort?

Consider striving to improve on any of the following simple reminders; that are beneficial this, and any time of the year . . .

• Pause, breathe, then respond
• Take a break . . . even a few minutes can have a significant impact
• Build into your schedule interactions with people or activities that are uplifting to you
• Disperse tasks you dislike to do amongst what you enjoy doing
• Note how you feel and what you need during times that have you on edge. Whenever possible make a change in that moment, or take a step in that direction as soon as possible.

Practice one or two of the items listed above as opposed to attempting to elevate your game in all areas all at once. A little at a time is the best way to make any improvement as that approach helps to solidify the changes along the way. Have fun; make it a game by seeing how many times you can apply an idea in a day. Then see if you can improve by one additional application the next day. Which one or two have you chosen to put your focus? Share them here.

Happy Holidays . . . and blessings for progress a little at a time!

“What’s working well is a question of regular practice in my home and in my office. That said, my humanness can get the best of me too, where a reminder is needed to get me back on track. The reminder may come from myself or from someone else. When you hone this habit, as is the case for all beneficial habits, you are better able to catch yourself when you drift off course and redirect. My mentors and coaches often ask this question of me as well which serves as another tool for success.

The question, “what’s working well?” is also frequently extended to my clients. Sometimes people are caught off guard which is demonstrated by silence hanging for several moments. This pause is very good. Why? Because they have been stopped in their tracks and are giving consideration to what they realize they have been overlooking. “What’s working well?” is a powerful tool to change our perspective. When we change perspective, we change our experience. Circumstances may remain the same, yet we open ourselves to new insights which create modification in our interpretation of events.

“What’s working well?” may seem like an over simplified question. Some may even consider it trite. In fact, you may scoff and believe exploring this question is a waste of time. After all, there are lots of problems, challenges, and issues. Agreed. There will always be problems, challenges and issues. Few of us like this fact. However, disliking it is ineffective in changing the point. The response, “sorry” comes to mind, though without problems, challenges and issues we never improve ourselves or our skills. Think about the last time you thought or mentioned you have a preference for something other than what you are facing. In other words, a desire to move beyond, grow from where you are to where you want to be. Be careful of shifting the focus to the external circumstances! Everything you experience is a result of your response as opposed to the actual event(s).

Recently, a loved one was in a car accident . . . with a deer. What’s working well? Everyone was unharmed and okay. They have car insurance. Other transportation is available during the repair. Everyone was unharmed and okay. You may be second guessing yourself at the moment or thinking, “Karen, are you paying attention? You already mentioned ‘everyone was unharmed and okay’.” Oh, really? How many times are you faced with a problem or challenge that you are blessed with the safety of yourself or others, yet brush right over that detail and focus on the problem? In the event someone is injured . . . or yes, dies . . . which happens . . . then we realize what we typically refer to as a problem is insignificant.

Acknowledging “what’s working well?” is a form of gratitude. This is very different than denying the existence of problems we face. Problems are real and exist, yes. Be honest, admit their presence, and most importantly, deal with them appropriately. A situation tends to worsen when we avoid what is our responsibility to resolve. We know this, yet amazing how often we can experience moments of amnesia. Also, the opposite; meddling in other people’s affairs; is extremely detrimental to all parties involved. A person is unable to learn a necessary lesson when we continue to interfere and we make all sorts of excuses and justifications for our actions. Ironic, we enable, and then get annoyed with them for ceasing to change their ways!

Why is it imperative to develop the habit of focusing on “what’s working well?” Simple, we get more of wherever we put our attention. How has continual focus on our problems ever helped? In my experience this only leads to frustration, lack of solutions and we still have our problems to solve.

The concept of getting more of whatever we think, speak and act on has been around for centuries. Adages such as . . .

• What you sow you . . .
• Something comes back to bite you in the . . .
• What goes around, comes . . .

Bet you could complete all of these with ease. Be especially careful when you think or say the last statement as it is often expressed in vindictiveness. Why be cautious? Reread the phrases. When you carry vindictiveness in your mind or heart, you are inviting the same back to you! That is why we can never escape or hide from ourselves; though many of us go to great length to attempt; rather we must transform our ways through action.

Start with areas that are easier for you to connect to the feeling of gratitude. Practice, practice, and practice some more. Yes, this will take time. Consider the alternative. Many are unaware that without the conscious commitment to what improves us we are on an automatic downward course to what is detrimental. The choice is yours. Persist through the discomfort of disciplining yourself or bask in the misery of ineffectiveness. When you experience significant improvement with this application, then proceed, ever so gradually, applying the concept in areas that are more of a struggle to identify “what’s working well?’ Oh, by the way, if you say you’re grateful for something (or someone) can others draw that conclusion by your tone, your expressions and your actions? Unless detectable, it is deception.

This month many celebrate Thanksgiving which has led to the association of focusing on gratitude and giving thanks. As opposed to a once a year visit, what if November became a benchmark for a measurement of your progress in this realm from the previous year? The journey always begins with a single step. What’s working well for you? Share your thankfulness here.

In gratitude and appreciation for each of you!

One thing for certain, ALL transformations are an inside-out process. The challenge is when minor adjustments occur they are typically undetectable to us. However, what’s invisible eventually becomes visible and that’s when we become cognizant. What if we made a conscious commitment on a daily basis to heighten our awareness? Meditation and the practice of mindfulness are two ways to help in this capacity.

Transformational processes can be voluntary. In fact, the more you are deliberate about improvements; personally and professionally; the greater control you have of your outcomes and the better you are able to respond to curve balls that are part of this human experience on earth.

Often though, the route can be unpleasant, difficult and even downright painful or ugly. Sometimes we are unaware of the gradual alterations; or know and attempt to ignore the signs; and then seem shocked at the occurrence of excruciating pain – such as root canals or heart attacks.

When dealing with changes you dislike remember the following:

• B-R-E-A-T-H-E – as silly as this may sound, this is often forgotten. Conscious breathing is important to send proper oxygenated blood flow to the brain which allows us to think clearer and better manage our emotions.
• Self-care – this of course is always essential to performing optimally, however in our humanness this is an area that many tend to let slide. Apply the HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) formula and pay extra attention to eating, sleeping and exercise habits. We function poorly without proper food and sleep. Exercise (whatever type/level appropriate for you) helps to decrease stress and more effectively deal with feelings.
• Monitor thoughts and conversations for “don’t wants” and what is annoying, frustrating or problematic and shift to what is desired and what is working well (even if seemingly insignificant to what is “wrong”).

This last one tends to be the toughest for us to catch and redirect. How many times do we hear or say, “don’t forget”? That is an indication of “don’t want”. Instead we would be better served to say, “remember”. Our brains simply are unable to comprehend words other than directives.

When we put our attention to what annoys us, we attract more of what annoys us (the same or different person/situation) – law of attraction. We absolutely KNOW this and yet seem compelled to think and talk about what irritates us on some level. The more we repeat the cycle, the more our emotions intensify which keeps us spinning until we are convinced that is the only possible response.

Your support system will be critical to your success regarding this last bullet point; as well as all areas of life and in business. Attempting to “go it alone” leads to overwhelm, a belief no one understands, and staying stuck.

Some suggestions for support:

• Friends and family – this is a gray area as often well-intentioned loved ones unconsciously keep us in our “boxes”, attempt to control our lives (usually out of fear or desperation for our well-being) or simply are unable to provide the accountability or guidance needed. How many times has a loved one (or work colleague) offered insight you were unable to receive until shared from a third party?
• Support groups – everything from 12-step for various addictions to business networking to meet ups sharing common interests
• Clergy – religious or spiritual director or guide
• Counselors – qualified professionals to help you understand what has happened and why you respond as you do
• Mentors – successful professionals in a particular realm that can guide in a specific area
• Coaches – trained professionals to help keep you focused on the direction you desire, offer techniques and educate you to new thoughts and behaviors to succeed and provide motivation, encouragement and accountability along the way

No matter which support system you choose nothing will get you closer to where you want to be without your decision to start . . . do something different than you’ve been doing! Bottom line, what do you know you need (or would like) to be doing that you’ve yet to get started on or find yourself challenged to sustain momentum implementing? Who is best suited to serve as your support?

Even if you’ve already hesitated too long, more delays only prolong the inevitable, worsen the pain and escalate the challenge. There will always be a potential excuse to procrastinate. Give yourself a chance to create some fulfillment by starting wherever you are. Also, remember to avoid expecting instant gratification. How ironic when we are willing to continue on a destructive path because progress in desired direction seems to be absent.

Whatever transformation you are undergoing at any given time, the course will unfold smoother when you refrain from labeling it good or bad. Without judgment we create the path of least resistance and flow. To decrease stress, increase productivity and enjoy life more, strive to embrace the journey.

Seems many stop consciously learning after whatever level formal education they complete. Consider the damage of unconscious learning. Unconsciously, we are continually teaching ourselves. The very act of functioning daily is creating patterns. Anything we repeat becomes our beliefs and our habits. What percent of your learning is conscious and how much is unconscious? Sure, some will be unconscious. However, until we deliberately commit and follow through, the unfolding of life creates us and we feel we are out of control. When instead we devote ourselves to personal and professional development, we create by design.

Many will claim to be life-long learners . . . as long as someone else pays for everything. Totally agree there are times we need help along the way. Though like the countless people encountered in my workshops, my experience is that something happens when we dedicate our hard earned money toward our own improvement. Very grateful for my parent’s contribution to my formal education AND also very grateful they required me to contribute too. Even with that involvement, for years there was resistance and excuses on my part to take charge of my own growth. Learning after all, is another indicator of taking responsibility for ourselves. How well are you doing in that capacity?

Some expect their company to provide all the resources. When you are so blessed to receive such a perk, it is a perk, maximize the opportunity. What does that mean? First, attend the sessions! Think that sounds absurd? Having witnessed on multiple occasions; both as a presenter and as a participant; there are numerous people that sign in and then leave. It happens! Second, take and apply the information. This is where the real transformation occurs. Often you will need additional support. This brings me to the last and critical aspect, show you are equally committed to your improvement. For example, companies will often invest in their employees by providing initial trainings or form of support. Then when given the opening to continue the individual ceases moving forward.

Learning is an interesting phenomenon and essential for success, in life and in business. Formal education; though critical in certain fields; is in the whole scheme a small piece of the process. Degrees, certifications yes, are important. Yet when formally trained if you are ineffective with managing your emotions or interacting with others how skilled are you?

As children we are sponges, continuously exploring and absorbing. When we become adults eventually (hopefully) we realize some of what we learned is hindering us from achieving our goals and desires. To effectively learn as adults therefore, requires first we unlearn what is interfering. The unlearning is challenging and uncomfortable for a couple of reasons. One, we tend to have an attachment to what we know; even when producing results counter to what we want. Until we recognize this we vehemently defend what we know. Two, we affix meaning to what we’ve learned. These extrapolations we use (often subconsciously) to torment ourselves based on the association and significance we’ve connected.

What about common sense? Seems common sense to one is insanity to another. Why? Common sense is a deduction based on weighing data available; however, the data is in each of our heads. Even with the same information we rarely put the pieces together the same way.

A simple question can create vast responses, sometimes creating major disagreements amongst the parties involved. What is a truck? You may have thought of a semi, a pickup truck, an SUV or something else.

Okay, time to get honest with yourself. What is your level of commitment to your own development? What would a recording of you in action indicate? Avoid excuses, denial and berating yourself; simply get moving in the appropriate direction. If you’re still thinking about it nothing is happening!

Sure, it is important to be able to perform well in pressure situations. Pressure situations, however, get labeled as such because of the strain we feel in handling them. Where does the tension come from? Experiencing an identical situation, two or more people tend to produce varying degrees of anxiety. Why? This leads to the premise that the individuals involved are more the variables than the circumstances. Since people determine the impact felt, seems external aspects can be removed as a cause, and pressure, in reality, is a self-inflicted response.

Skeptical? When you’re running late, (imagine if you have to) is “lateness” causing your franticness or are the self-condemning thoughts about being late or even what others think about your being late creating your experience?

Maybe you’re apprehensive about an upcoming meeting. Is the meeting really the culprit or would we be more accurate to consider our confidence or ability to effectively communicate at the event or with the parties present as the real issue?

What about workload (personally or professionally)? The workload; usually some form of list of items or tasks; simply sits there unable to interact with us, we choose the message(s) to attach.

Keep in mind pressure is both positive and negative. Positive stretches us to grow in beneficial ways (as uncomfortable as may be); just like the process of diamond or pearl creation; while negative leads to blame and excuses!

Perfectionism for example produces both forms of pressure. A beneficial form of perfectionism is when we strive to perform our best. In this capacity one is committed to on-going self-improvement and a desire to function well. The desire is implemented through application of necessary and appropriate action.

A detrimental form on the other hand is when we berate ourselves for missing our mark. Condemnation is a destructive tool. When have you ever excelled from caustic behavior?

Sports (some of you of course are surprised) provide some perspective. A perfect game in bowling is three hundred. Yes, many professional as well as amateur bowlers have achieved this score. Many people have done so a couple times and even some have several times. However, to my knowledge, no one has continually and consistently bowled perfect games.

What about baseball? An excellent batting average is anything three hundred or greater. Four hundred is practically unheard of, although has been reached for snippets of time. Three hundred equates to successful hits three out of ten times. Using this formula as your criteria, how does your efforts compare?

Let’s look at football. Who knows of a quarterback who has completed every pass in their career? Even one hundred percent completion in a season has yet to be achieved. Some of you may be tempted to reference quarterbacks with ratings over one hundred percent. This is true. Consider though how few, based on the number of quarterbacks that play (have played) the game. Once achieved, is it maintained? In addition, the rating incorporates other factors.

Bring these references to yourself. When aiming for success is your view through a pinhole and on one tiny aspect or are you taking into account how the task fits into the greater scheme . . . of the project at hand and life/business as a whole?

That said, caution must be advised as to the fine line that leads to blame and excuses to performing subpar in regards to both effort and ability. This type of behavior ends up in denial. Often we start out knowing more is needed but convince ourselves either we’re incapable or we’re plain unwilling to act accordingly and resort to deception to avoid.

Consider the damage of the last concept. Remember the thoughts, words and actions of everyday are creating your habits, your character and your tomorrows.

Practice, conscious or unconscious, once again determines your results. Practice negative, berating pressure and you deplete your confidence, generate excuses and create high stress. Utilize pressure positively to stretch yourself and grow then your confidence increases, responsibility is embraced and success (as you define for yourself) in life and business is experienced.

The next time you feel pressured, STOP, take a breath, pause to ask yourself, “What am I doing to myself?” Take another breath and then consciously choose the thought, word and action that align with what you claim you want and are attempting to create. You, like many of us, may have to apply this several times in a variety of situations. Critical point, the emphasis belongs on the willingness and persistence to choose in the moment when necessary as opposed to having faltered causing the need for redirection.

This can be a challenging question for all involved. If either person has
previously set the stage for argumentative behavior or the unwillingness or
inability to receive feedback, posing such a question can be more detrimental
than beneficial. That would probably best fall into the “better left alone”
category.

Who determines the level of customer service? The customer of course! Why
state what may appear to be obvious? Same reason there’s no such thing as common
sense. Common sense and “the obvious” are only common sense and obvious to the
person who is able to see or grasp the concept in question. We could go on and
on with examples to illustrate the last point, however, that would detract from
the focus here.

To provide excellent customer service to others we must first provide
excellent customer service to ourselves. Why? We can only give to others what we
have within us. Suspect you’ve heard the often used example . . . what comes out
of an orange when you poke it? Juice. What kind? Orange juice. Many think the
last question is a silly one, however, the analogy clearly conveys the concept.
Want an indication of what’s really inside you (or maybe not)? Notice how you
respond in challenging situations. The good news is if you dislike what shows up
you can take appropriate steps to improve.

What about when you dislike other people’s behavior? The mistake we make when
we are the target of what we deem unacceptable behavior from another is that
their conduct is about us. Though we may be in direct line of impact, the
reality is we are seeing a reflection of their perceived value to themselves and
how they treat themselves. Making someone else’s behavior about us is actually
an excuse for taking
responsibility of our own response.

Pertinent question to use in any situation is, “What is the best way to
handle the situation to get the desired result?” Notice consideration of what we
feel like doing is set aside. As opposed to negating our feelings, the goal is
deciding what outcome we are striving for.

At times, many of us can get caught up in rather being right than happy or
effective. This very temptation loomed for me recently when a file from a
previous service provider was sought. My point of contact informed me she has
since parted ways with the creator of the file. In addition, when asked for the
name and any contact info, the response was curt (my interpretation of email).
Emotionally, and certain the name was known; even if the rest of the contact
info was outdated; there was a strong internal pull to ask again, only for the
name.

Where was this conviction getting me? Frustrated and fuming with negative
energy. And need it be said no closer to obtaining the sought file. What was in
my control? My response. Therefore, consideration was best dedicated to what
options were before me and how they would impact me and my operation.

How is this related to customer service? Acutely aware without better
customer service to myself there’s an inability to provide excellence to my
direct customers. The choice was clear. Allow the person involved (or the
situation) to continue to have a detrimental impact or shift the energy. When facing such
interactions are you sucked into someone else’s stuff and surrendering your
power?

What seems to interfere for many is drawing the conclusion that in letting go
of being right the other person IS right; and horrors, maybe gloating thinking
they got the best of us or the situation. When does the person or situation
really get the best of us; when we let them consume us or when we keep focus on
what’s truly important and valuable to us? Agitation remains when concentration
adheres to being right or the dislike of the unfolding of the interaction.
Freedom, effectiveness, excellent customer service all result when we keep the
attention on what we value. What do you claim to value? How well are you
thinking, speaking and acting accordingly?

Sure, certain facts; as unpleasant or undesired as they may be; will still
exist. However, ask yourself how is remaining stubborn benefiting you, changing
the circumstances or helping any aspect of your life or business. Bottom line,
you can only offer what’s inside and what’s inside is your decision and
independent of anything or anyone outside of you. Where in your life or business
could you let go of being right and deliver greater customer service to yourself
and those you serve?