Have you ever wished other people treated you differently than they do? Do you have people in your life whose behaviors annoy you? Are there people you interact with that you believe have a lot of nerve?
When I present the concepts from Communicating Beyond Differences I pose to the audience that people and situations we label difficult are actually our gifts. As you may suspect, that invites a few responses. Did that trigger a reaction in you?
Dr. Wayne Dyer says our most difficult people are our greatest teachers.
As tough as this may be to swallow, we are treated EXACTLY as we treat ourselves. For example, if we berate ourselves with negative self-talk, we attract people who berate us. If we make excuses and blame, we find ourselves surrounded by excuses makers and blamers.
If you don’t like the type of people you’re surrounded by – change your surroundings. Of course we cannot change other people, so how do we change the people we’re surrounded by? By changing ourselves!
Typically this concept causes people to respond in one of two ways – with a claim of innocence and all the justifications of their valiant efforts (only thing missing is the halo), or with excuses in the form of verbal utterances without complete sentences. The latter of course stems from blaming instead of taking responsibility.
I’ve traveled both of these avenues at length. Neither of which led to any satisfaction or effectiveness. The people I’m surrounded by change only after I be the person I want to see.
Here are the necessary steps to create your desired change:
- Look at the type of people you’re surrounded by
- What don’t you like about them?
- Now the PAINFUL yet ESSENTIAL step – turn the mirror on yourself! Yes, where’s the resemblance in you! We only get annoyed with aspects of others that resonate with us. Think about it. Have you’ve ever had someone’s behavior/actions not phase you at all? Sure you have, because it didn’t resonate with you. We don’t trigger an emotional response if it doesn’t strike a chord with us – so where’s the connection?!
- And the transformation step – Be the person you want to see! This will take lots of practice and a daily commitment.
Though this will NOT be a quick process, it will be both rewarding and permanent. Basically you create a new way of life.
Here’s the irony – if you don’t choose this path, you automatically choose the path of focusing on others and blaming – so choose wisely!
Which path do you prefer? Do your actions support your claim? It’s easy to give lip service – that’s why authenticity is critical.
Take a moment and imagine your life when you be the person you want to see – Now go create that person!